Legalities: All characters property of DC Comics.

Dedicated to: Syl Francis because you’re such a nice, good hearted person.

To My Sons,

I never thought I could love again. I never thought I could have a real family again… But when my first ward came into my life, from the shadows, I learned what it was to have a family, as much as I’ve never admitted it. The first time I held you in my arms when a nightmare plagued your dreams, all I wanted was to be your father. I never wanted it to end, this endless masquerade of life. Oh, was I proud of you. Whenever we went out and I saw that everything I did and said reflected in your actions…… When that madman tried to steal you away from me, I panicked, I suppose. That’s why I didn’t allow you to join me anymore. There was never an “Us” those days… Only a “Me” and then a “You”. I honestly don’t blame you for giving up and leaving…

But soon enough a pain consumed me and an emptiness came into my life. Just as before you were at my side, that emptiness filled my life when you left. My second ward… When he came into my life from seemingly the same shadows as the first…

I used you. I used you because I missed him. Don’t think I don’t regret it. I do. You were not, nor never could be him. You were a unique and talented young man with your own agenda and your own life entirely. I made you dye your hair, I made you wear his suit. But one thing varied between you and him this time… I adopted you. I made you my son. My *legal* son. But that was a feeling short-lived… The same madman that tried to steal his life and destroyed our relationship KILLED you. I wasn’t there to protect you… I should have been, and now you’ll never know the feelings of a life that could have been so *full* of enjoyment…

This time, I changed completely. I know it, and everyone else knew it. Forget thinking, I just went in there, got the job done and then left. I didn’t sleep until I passed out and I didn’t eat unless I was force-fed. People that I barely knew came to try to help me because they saw the change… People that included my first SON came. But I turned them away because this was something I didn’t want help on…

But then, from the shadows came a ray of light unlike the first two… Yes, he asked to be my partner, and yes, he was young… But his intelligence made him vary from the other two. Never was I lectured by a thirteen year old so convincingly then by the third of my “sons”. You varied, however, because you truly could never be my son. You have a father. You had a mother. And I regret every day that I could not save her, or him, or you from the agonies of evil. But, you practically saved my life. When you came, you parted the shadows from me, allowing me to think and feel again. I am jealous of your father…

You all tried to convince me of a world beyond the dark one I created around myself, but my ego held me on a collision course with darkness. I never talk with any of you to this day, even though I should. You’ll never receive this letter, I can say that much. All of you have begged for me to talk with you about what I think, but I don’t want to. What I think, what I feel, that’s part of me. But don’t think I’m not grateful.

The day the police car came driving up to the house with a little raven haired boy, and the day I signed those papers for that teenager to be my son, and the day I decided to give it a try all over again, praying in a foolish way that third time would be the charm… It was like a part of the sun was finally showing itself through my clouded, stormy life. I can never thank any of you enough for that…

But the pains I carry run too deep for anything to completely heal it beyond inevitable death. Thomas and Martha Wayne, Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd, the countless others I’ve lost… Those are pains that will never be healed, no matter how much I try. You’ve never known me, and I don’t want ANYONE to know me… Not even any of you… Thus I plan to reign as the Dark Knight, protecting you all in a silent desperation to keep my sanity and keep those of you who still live from death for as long as I can. And maybe… Just maybe one of these days it’ll all end. And maybe one day we’ll be a REAL family of some demented sort… I love you all so much, but I cannot let it get in the way. If I should lose one of you tomorrow, I will do my best not to repeat past mistakes… At least that I came promise you.